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Biology has pinned the persistent threat of toxic shock on women.  Society has charged them with baby-changing duties.  Insecurities have doled the responsibility of unbroken beauty which usually is applied in private to get that “glowing look of nonchalance”. So when I’m told that women need public restrooms available to them at all times, it’s an issue not really open to dispute.  On the contrary, I can’t really think of one good reason why men need public restrooms.  But I can definitely think of a few reasons why they shouldn’t be given public restrooms at all.  

1. Urinals  - Whoever invented these things anyways?  A row of half-toilets with dividers that only go high enough so as to encourage conversation as a row of corresponding men hold their genitals.  What on earth could a row of men need to discuss so fervently that we had to cut 90% of the walls from the picture?  Please do me a favor and never attempt to engage me in conversation as you shake your junk around? Too awkward. Thank you.
2. Aim  - As a toddler, my mom coached me through potty training by adorning the toilet boil with Cheerios and encouraging me me to aim at them.  Admittedly, I spent the majority of my life co-existing with an overwhelming desire to sprinkle Cheerios in every public toilet I visited because men either can’t, or are just too lazy to aim.  At the ripe age of almost-depression24, I’ve just given up.  I’ll never venture into a restroom unadorned with urine sprinkles unless the housekeeping team is relentless.  Instead I think it might be the better course of action just to revoke the privilege of men’s public access to restrooms all together.
3. Primitivity - When it comes down to it, men have just always been more primordial than their sultry female counterparts.  What this equates to in a public restroom is grunting. MEN STILL GRUNT. I can’t count the number of times I have heard an unnecessary (read: any) amount of grunting occur as someone entirely too near to me has squeezed out the gluten from his glutes.  Take note: this is not acceptable.
4. Sanitation - Men have never taken the communal responsibility of public health seriously.  According to the American Society for Microbiology, a paltry 77% of men wash their hands compared to 93% of women.  Allowing men to have access to public restrooms is analogous to giving Lady Gaga “artistic freedom” and a large captive audience  - the end result is an aggregate of societal scum.